Sometimes, in our everyday interactions with our kids, young or old, words are spoken that have an effect on how our kids perceive themselves. Good or bad, words are spoken and they are received. There are many nice things to say to your child but sometimes life can get in the way and we forget how important they are to them regardless of how young they are or how old they get.
We lose sight of how powerful what we say to our kids can be. There are times when we look back and think maybe we should've been more encouraging and less critical. Sometimes, we just wished we were more supportive and sometimes we just wished we could take back what we said.
Coming from a mother of a 20-year-old, trust me when I tell you that when your kids are small you don't notice much because everything is just A LOT but when things die down and you have time on your own to reflect, and reflect we do when our kids grow older - you will wish you had handled things a little different, say things differently or bite your tongue before you said what you said.
I know my son can recall things, especially negative ones, that I have said or a family member has said that has stayed with him for 15 years and when I hear him tell the stories and how he had felt then, I wish I could take everything back.
We all make mistakes, that's understandable and sometimes, life gets the best of us, our mouths run faster than our brains can think and things are said.
What we need to realize and remember always is that there is literal magic in the words that we say to our children. I mean think about it - a simple sentence can light up their faces, boost their confidence, and make them feel deeply loved and vice versa.
We all know how powerful words are especially when they come from someone who means the world to us - and to our kids, we are that someone!
The way we talk to our children shapes their world. It builds their self-esteem, strengthens our bond with them, and helps them grow into kind, confident, and resilient individuals.
The right words at the right time can feel like a warm hug, wrapping them in love and security, even if they feel like their whole world is overwhelming and uncertain.
For little kids, positive and caring words let them know how much they are loved and for big kids, it tells them they are supported, valued, loved, seen, heard and so much more.
With that said, I want to share with you 16 questions that do just that.
16 Things To Say To Your Child That Feel Like A Hug
These are questions and phrases that show our kids that we care, that we see them, and that we value their thoughts and feelings.
1. "Want the last bite?"
You know sometimes you're left with the last bite of something really good? Offering that last bite to your child is like saying "you matter more to me than this treat". It's the smallest of gestures but it shows them that their happiness is truly more important to you than anything else. It's a really sweet way of showing them how much you love them.
2. "Want to know what my favorite thing about you is?"
Granted that this would be a question that you answer yourself but it doesn't matter. Pointing out your child's positive traits can do wonders for their self-esteem. It reassures them that they are cherished and they have a lot of wonderfulness in them that they themselves might not notice, but you do and you appreciate them just as they are.
3. "I have some ideas, but what do YOU think?"
Involving your child in any of your decision-making processes, even in small ways, shows them that their opinions matter that they are very part of the family, and that they are capable of contributing meaning.
It also fosters their sense of autonomy and self-worth.
4. "Want me to stay a little longer?"
We might not pick up on it, but sometimes, all our kids need is a bit more time with us. It can be hidden in outbursts, or sulking, or even the silent treatment, and offering to stay a little longer, whether it's at bedtime or during a tough moment, provides them with a sense of comfort and security. It tells them that you are there for them.
5. "Can you tell me your side of the story?"
This question validates their feelings and experiences. It lets them know that their perspective matters and that you are willing to listen and understand them fully.
6. "Do you want to talk about it now or later?"
By giving them a choice, not only are you acknowledging their emotions but you're showing that you're sensitive to their feelings. It also shows them that you respect their need for space to work it out themselves and their readiness to share. This further reinforces the fact that their feelings are valid and important to you, as much as it is to them.
7. "It's okay to make mistakes"
It really is - and that should be projected positively onto your children. Reassuring them that making mistakes is a natural part of learning gives them the confidence to go out there and do things and try new things without the fear of failing. Failing is part of learning and it helps them develop resilience and a growth mindset. It also shows them that you have their backs regardless.
8. "I trust you"
Saying this to your kids especially when they are about to embark on something on their own, whether it's a decision they are making or one they've already made, will give them a boost of confidence like no other. It encourages them to make good decisions and be trustworthy. It's comforting to them knowing that whatever happens, you have faith in their abilities and that you respect and will support them.
9. "I'm so glad you're my child"
Telling them how happy and proud you are in having them as your child strengthens your bond. It also reinforces their sense of belonging and importance in your life boosting their self-esteem and sense of security. Knowing that you are glad to have them in your life makes them feel deeply loved and cherished.
10. "You inspire me"
They really do - don't they? They inspire you to become a better person, a better mom, and a better dad. They inspire you every day. So tell them exactly that!
Just telling them that has a positive impact on how they value themselves. It boosts their self-esteem to know that they actually inspire you. If they are young, they'll be proud of themselves knowing that fact, and if they're teenagers - they'll probably give you a side-eye and think you're pulling a fast one, but deep down their hearts are swelling!
11. "I believe in you"
Saying this to them shows them you have faith in them and their abilities. It'll give them that extra boost of confidence and self-belief. We all need someone who believes in us and saying it out loud is one of the best things you can say to your child.
12. "Would you like my advice or do you need me to just listen"
This applies especially for older kids. They'll do a double take if you say this to them. It shows them that you value and respect them and that you're there to support them in the way they need. Saying this will encourage them to open up to you more knowing that you're not going to just give unwanted advice - even if we're dying to!
Sometimes, it's not that they don't know what to do - they do, but they just want someone to listen and they'll be glad that you can be that someone for them.
13. "Do you know how proud I am of you?"
There are times when you need to remind them of how proud you are of them. Whether it's the obvious big proud moments they go through tough moments that they've overcome or just the littlest of acts like showing kindness, or even better - just for being themselves - there are so many reasons to be proud of your kids.
But it's not enough to just think it to yourself - share it with them. It'll boost their self-esteem knowing outrightly that you notice, not only their big accomplishments but the little things that they do too.
14. "I've got you"
There is so much meaning in these three simple words. Your children, regardless of their age, will appreciate the fact that regardless of how far they run, how high they climb, and how hard they fall, that you've got their backs. That you will support them, guide them, and be there for them unconditionally. It gives them the quiet strength and confidence that they didn't think they needed.
There's a song by Ciara with the same title and it really reflects how I feel for my son - have a listen.
15. "You're the best thing in my life"
Saying this lets them know that they come first and it gives them reassurance that they are your priority in life. Expressing how much joy and happiness they bring to your life can do wonders for their emotional well-being.
Also, knowing they are the best part of your life can give them a strong sense of self-worth and security and give them a foundation of love to build upon as they navigate through challenges they may face in their lives.
16. "If you could see yourself through my eyes, you'd see....."
This sentence leads to countless positive things you could say to your child. Highlight all the best attributes they have with this sentence. It's enough for my heart to swell saying this because there are endless options. I can bet that your child will have a smile on their face upon hearing you finish that sentence.
You've probably heard all these before but it's a reminder to us that our words do carry immense power in shaping our children’s lives. By using thoughtful, and supportive language, we can nurture their emotional well-being and help them grow into confident, resilient individuals.
The questions and phrases we choose can act as invisible hugs to them - providing comfort, validation, and love.
Let’s make a conscious effort to fill our everyday interactions with our children with words that uplift and encourage them, reminding them every day of how special and loved they truly are.
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