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.....from a single mom!
As a single mom, dating can be challenging.
I wanted companionship but at the same time, I needed my potential partner to be prepared and understand so many things. I was already raising a child so I wasn't prepared to be 'taking care' of another, I was looking for exactly that, a partner.
Most of my relationships came to an end as soon as they encroached on giving unsolicited advice on how I was raising my son or just wanting too much of my time that I didn't have to give.
Maybe I'm afraid of commitment but then again, for a good reason. If I'm looking for a partner, I'm not just looking for myself but also someone who will be a good fit for my child, a positive influence and understands the special relationship that a single mom has with her child and the level of responsibility that she carries on her shoulder.
Dating a single mom is not for the faint of heart. Single moms do come from a whole host of backgrounds, whether divorced, widowed or never married - there is baggage whether we single moms like to admit it or not.
So, if you’re interested in dating a single mom, here are some things you need to know beforehand. I might not be speaking for for all single moms but it's a fair representation.
Know that our children are our top priority
As a single mom, my son is my top priority - there are no two ways about it.
So, if you’re dating a single mom, you need to understand that her children come first. This doesn’t mean that you’re not important, but it does mean that you need to be patient and understanding.
We're not looking for a father for our child
Contrary to popular belief, most single moms are not looking for a man to be a father to their children. We’re perfectly capable of raising our children on our own. What we’re looking for is a partner for ourselves. Someone who can be there for us emotionally and support us in our parenting journey.
If you’re dating a single mom, understand that you’re not a replacement for her child's father. We may have our own reasons for being a single mom, but that doesn’t mean we’re looking for someone to replace their father. We’re looking for someone who can support us and be a positive influence in our lives.
We're strong and independent
Single moms are some of the strongest and most independent women out there. We’ve been through a lot, and we’ve come out the other side stronger.
So, if you’re dating a single mom, don’t try to control or tell us what to do. We’ve got this.
We have limited free time
As a single mom, my time is precious. Between work, parenting, and all the other responsibilities that come with being a single mom, I don’t have a lot of free time.
So do understand that our time together may be limited. But when we do have time together, we’ll make it count.
Spontaneity is hard
Spontaneity is not something I do well with. I've survived being a single mom by planning and organising. These plans might go out the window on occasion but it is the framework of how I operate.
When dating a single mom, it's best to schedule outings well ahead of time and have patience when they get rain-checked or pushed back.
We're not interested in playing games
Single moms don’t have time, let alone for games. We’re not interested in playing hard-to-get or any other dating games. We’re looking for someone who is honest, genuine, and authentic.
So, if you’re interested in dating a single mom, be upfront about your intentions and don’t play games.
Accept us for who we are
As a single mom, I’ve been through a lot. I’ve had to overcome challenges and face my fears. But I’m proud of who I am and what I’ve accomplished.
So don’t try to change us or make us into something we’re not. Accept us for who we are, flaws and all.
We're not looking for a saviour
Contrary to popular belief, most single moms are not looking for someone to come in and save them. We’re perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves and our children.
Dating a single mom isn’t about being a saviour or coming in to fix our problems. We’re looking for a partner who can support us and be there for us when we need them. We’re looking for someone who is willing to be a team with us and share in our successes and failures.
We appreciate your efforts
Dating a single mom isn’t easy, and we appreciate anyone who is willing to take on that challenge. We know that we come with our own set of challenges, and we appreciate anyone who is willing to be patient and understanding.
Communication is important
As a single mom, communication is crucial to me. I don’t have time for guessing games or miscommunication. I need someone who is willing to communicate openly and honestly with me.
If you’re dating a single mom, make sure you communicate your feelings and intentions clearly.
Assuming that she wants or needs something out of a relationship will not help build a partnership based on trust and honesty.
Time for ourselves is valuable and non-negotiable
As a single mom, having time for myself is extremely rare but important. Whether it’s a night out with friends, pursuing my own interests and hobbies or a relaxing evening at home, I need time to recharge my batteries.
Do understand that we have our own lives outside of our relationship. We need someone who is supportive of our passions and interests. But don’t worry, we’ll make time for you too!
In conclusion, dating a single mom can be a rewarding experience. But it’s important to understand that we come with our own set of challenges and responsibilities.
If you’re interested in dating a single mom, be patient, and understanding, and communicate openly. And most importantly, remember that we’re looking for a partner, not a saviour.