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6:00 AM: The alarm shrieks at the highest volume. You wake up, groggy and spacey, and immediately reach out to grab your phone. You posted pictures from your birthday party yesterday, and you are dying to see what your friends think of it. Hmm... 10 likes only? But Anna got 50 likes AND so many comments. Am I not pretty enough? Why doesn’t anyone like me?
12:00 PM: You arrive at the school cafeteria a bit later than usual. You find your friends sitting at the table towards the end of the hall, so you join them. You missed the start of their conversation, which means that now you sit staring at your spaghetti while overlapping conversations about a class you are not in, strangle and consume you.
4:00 PM: You are finally back home. You run to your room and excitedly log in to your favorite Crocheting Discord server. You are about to send a picture of the new Granny Stripes you tried out to help a user, but then you hear your parents approach your room, and they start lecturing about how you should not waste your time in front of your laptop and do something “productive” instead. They don’t understand me!
Well, parents, if you thought being a teen a few decades ago was hard, try being one now amidst the hustle-bustle of hormones, friendship groups, social media, and a world that never slows down.
Many of us spent the early years of our adolescence cooped up in our homes thanks to the pandemic, which has definitely hindered our IRL (just in case, it means in real life) social development. To cope, we turned to digital spaces to stay connected to our friends. Because of this, the number of teens on social media is increasing daily.
A survey by the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry showed that 90% of teens aged 13-17 have used social media, and over 51% of them visit a social media site daily! All this has led to the rise of online communities—Discord servers, subreddits, gamer forums, and more—where teens connect with people from all over the world. Some of these spaces bring people with common interests together and foster a supportive and warm environment, while others can be overcrowded and overwhelmingly toxic. The latter is the one we want to avoid.
This is where you, the parents, come in. As teens, we still need some help in navigating through the labyrinth of the internet. We don’t want you to outright reject our usage of the internet, but we want you to engage with us and help us in this quest to find a sense of belonging on digital platforms.
While I am not an expert on this subject, I have had my fair share of experiences in loving and supporting online communities by being a part of groups like This Teenage Life, online postcard clubs, quiz clubs, etc, and I’ve learned what makes such a group truly a digital haven.
How To Help Your Teens Navigate The Internet
So, parents, here are my top 3 T’s on how you can encourage healthy and positive engagement in digital spaces for your teens:
Talk to Your Teens
The biggest challenge we, as teens, face is the sense that no one truly understands us.
Most of the time, we feel like there aren’t many whose frequencies match ours, but I’ve learned that that’s never the case. To find the best communities for teens, you need to understand what we like. Ask us about our interests, movies that we recently enjoyed, new hobbies we have picked up, and so on, and then use those as starting points to find communities and activities we can do.
You can find online communities for teens on forums, niche websites, or specialized apps like Goodreads or DIY, and then suggest them to us. The niche-r the space, the better! When I told my parents about my newfound passion for quizbowls, my mom found a Facebook group that was entirely dedicated to quizzing. This was a game changer for me, as now I suddenly didn’t feel like the only one in the world who liked quiz shows, and instead, I was surrounded by people who were equally obsessed with them like me!
If your teens have already found some communities online, ask them who they interact with or why they enjoy it. This is not as a way to pry, but just to show us that you care and you are genuinely interested in being a part of our lives. This creates an opportunity for dialogue, where we feel heard and understood, rather than judged and monitored.
Teach Your Teens
After you have onboarded us to some safe online community, teach us how to be vigilant on such platforms. Sometimes, it can be hard for us to spot red flags like cyberbullying or excessive negativity, so empower us to make smart and independent decisions if we are faced with such situations.
One thing that helped me understand digital safety, was watching the Brainpop series on digital citizenship with my parents when I was younger, and I recommend you do the same. Slip in conversations on digital literacy when setting up the table for dinner or folding clothes, and remember not to turn it into a lecture. We don’t like that!
Set boundaries, not barriers. Don’t threaten us with consequences, but instead work with us to set guidelines for our digital well-being, such as a screen-out time with consensus or a plan to regularly check in about our digital experiences. We definitely like talking about all the cool things we are doing!
Trust your teens
After all this, you have got to let us steer the ship. Yes, right now, it might seem like we’re completely unaware of the realities of the world, but soon, we’ll be face-to-face with those very challenges. So, we need to start building the skills and understanding to navigate it now.
The world is going to get more and more digital, so the sooner we become strong-willed digital citizens, the better. This is not going to happen if we feel like our every digital footprint is being scrutinized.
Trust is key; when we feel trusted, we’re more likely to make thoughtful decisions on our own because the responsibility has now been shifted onto us. If you genuinely feel like something is off in our interactions in digital communities, then without a doubt, swoop in and help us out. But if you feel like you might just be overthinking it, then give us the space and time for our petals to bloom.
You are our guardian angels. Your encouragement doesn’t have to be overtly visible all the time– sometimes, it’s simply by being there and watching over with trust and love as we navigate the digital world.
I hope this post offers you insights on helping your teens navigate the online world from the perspective of a teenager!
On behalf of all the teens, I sincerely express my gratitude to all you parents for being our pillars of support and helping us make the internet feel less scary.
If you are looking for any warm communities for your teen, I would highly recommend our corner of the internet– This Teenage Life. We love welcoming more teens into our podcast, and we are always ecstatic to make new friends!
GUEST WRITER This Teenage Life is a global youth dialogue and podcasting program, helping teens develop communication skills, authentic community, and a sense of purpose. You can listen to This Teenage Life on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever podcasts are found. Maitreyi is a 17-year-old who has been a part of This Teenage Life for over 3 years. She loves to tell stories from her diverse experiences and uses them to advocate for healthier digital spaces for teens. |
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